As someone who has been both very okay, and very not okay, let me tell you… This day feels like every attempt Scott Morrison has had at being Prime Minister. Like, you kinda tried, but you fucked up at basically every opportunity. You know?
Here we are. In 2021. California is on fire. We haven’t recovered from Australia being on fire last year. There’s the situation in Afghanistan which I am not even remotely qualified to talk about but is awful from an outsider's perspective. There’s a global pandemic that most of the world is sort of dealing with but…
Have you ever spent so much time with somebody that you adopted their words? Their little go-to phrases? The way their voice lilts on certain sounds and their tongue curls around others?
What about their mannerisms? The hand gestures, the facial expressions, the half-smile or the sultry gaze or the eye roll?
It’s so innocent and starts so small.
Your friend says “one hundred percent” and then you’re rolling with it every day after that. Your teammate has a little smirk that you accidentally perfected, her mirror image.
But what about when it isn’t small? Isn’t innocent?
Or, should I…
What’s worse than getting hurt?
If you’re in the middle of pain, of any kind, you would probably sob through the understandable answer: nothing. Nothing is worse than this.
I feel you, babe. I’ve seen my share of pain. I’ve dealt with loss. I’ve faced down grief. I’ve let people go. I’ve journaled my way through relationship break ups and the loss of people I’ve loved. And by that I mean, I’ve cried a lot and I wrote a lot about what I was crying about. I have written so many words about pain. It is startling, if I’m…
I’m tired of reading media talking about Australian Politicians dodging rape and assault allegations.
I’m tired of watching them get away with it.
I’m tired of watching their reputations maintained. Nothing but an awkward moment we won’t talk about in a few weeks.
And so the wheels keep spinning.
I’m tired of the ways this reminds me of Christianity — Carl Lentz and Ravi Zacharias and Mosaic Church. Hillsong and C3 and all the others being called to attention.
I tried to ignore those stories, you know. I tried to ignore it. I tried to let it go…
No, really. No one talks about leaving. Maybe it’s taboo. Maybe it’s because people are afraid that if they talk about it, it’ll happen more. We don’t talk about leaving church because we’re scared people will actually leave church. We don’t talk about leaving marriages or long-term relationships because we’re scared that people will start to leave them more often. And, because we don’t talk about it, no one ever knows how to navigate it. It becomes taboo, dirty, something to fear. People don’t know how to navigate when our friends and family members leave. Leaders in churches don’t know…
I know it’s been a while since we last spoke. Well, until last year when I came out of the blue and wrote you that letter. Here’s the thing, I wrote that it had been so long since I had considered you. But thats not entirely true. Although I haven’t considered you as a viable option for me recently, it is as though I cannot go a day without you pressing on my mind. You are always with me. The strangest things still trigger the religious trauma I’m yet to evade.
I know, I know. “It wasn’t all…
I got rained on the first day of 2021 and it felt poetic. In the way that as the rain fell on my glasses and my shoulders and my feet, all the “last year shit” was washed away. I’m learning to embrace the cool rain and the pretty views that come from unexpected showers. I’m learning to embrace the seasons of rest, and to know my worth doesn’t depend on if I get rained on in the process.
It was a tough year for everyone, on varying levels, and god knows that hasn’t changed. A day (or 5, by the…
It’s been a while since we last spoke.
It’s been a while since I even considered you, I’ll be honest. I’ve grown and changed and evolved so much, dug deeper into my self, thought deeply about spirituality, and I just haven’t had a moment to give you.
But, it’s time.
Its time I wrote to you.
Its time I brought some things to light.
Its time I asked you to do better.
It’s well past the time for you to do better, church.
This is the first open letter of a few I have prepared, where I will bring to light some areas…