Immovable
A Poem on Deconstruction and Assurance
your legs come out from underneath you
and when you try to stop yourself from falling
arms behind you, back arching
there is no ground left
to catch you.
so you either
sink in to the fall
or you struggle against it —
pretend that you are not falling
either way
that which you considered solid
immovable
has, in fact,
moved
or perhaps it was never there?
maybe its best to let the fall take you,
to lean in and embrace
what’s next, what’s here
rather than keeping on pretending
because my god all I’ve ever done for these people is pretend.
i wrote this in the midst of the deconstruction chaos. i wanted to try and capture the feeling. it was so hard to make sense of it all, so hard to understand it all. it was chaos and it was freedom.
and now? now i am in so many ways, on the other side of this feeling. i have moved past the need to pretend. and i’m well beyond any desire to pretend. but i have been rexamining these words, and all the journalled poetry from this time, and my fucking god i am grateful for the woman who put the work in to make sense of it all.
these words are one of many in my free indeed collection i am self-publishing this year. if you want to hear more about it, sign up to my email list here or on my substack. i’ll be putting more fun news out about it soooon.
x
